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A - Z of Lies
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Your Mother



> Assorted nasty consequences of doing...

If you sleep with the radio on, you'll rattle your brains.

Yawn like that and you'll get a fever.

Flowers make the air unfit to breathe.

Wash between your toes or mushrooms will grow.

If you don't brush your hair, the birds will build a nest inside.

If you wash a baby's hand, you'll wash away its luck.

If you pop that zit, spider eggs will come out.

If you sit on the stoop without newspapers underneath, you'll get piles.

If you fall on your head, your kids will be born dizzy.

If you don't brush your teeth before going to sleep, they'll fall out.

If you don't wash behind your ears, potatoes will grow there.

If you sit on public toilet seats, you'll get a disease.

Don't slouch or you'll get round shoulders.

Eating too much cereal will make you white.

Too much TV and your brain will rot and drain out your ears.

If you wash your face with soap and don't rinse it properly, you'll get a rash.

If you draw one line on your hand, you'll get lead poisoning.

If you handle a toad, you'll get warts.

If you suck your thumb, you'll wind up with beaver teethand a long skinny thumb.

If the windows aren't open at least four inches, you'll get tuberculosis . . . even in the dead of winter.

Don't push on the soft spot on your baby brother's head; you'll squash his brains.

If you whistle, you'll grow a beard.

Beware of dragonflies; they sew up your mouth.

Dragonflies sew your ears shut.

If you read in a hammock, you'll be seasick your whole life.

Drinking coffee will turn your neck black.

If you ever raise a hand to hit your mother, your hand will stick up out of its grave.

If you sniff instead of blowing your nose out, it will stay inside and glom up your innards forever.

Flush a public john with your foot; never with your hand or you'll pick up a disease.

Sit in a draft and you'll catch a cold.

Don't wash a newborn's hair until he's six weeks old or he'll get pneumonia.

You'll get black veins under your tongue if you stick it out so much.

If you break your orthodontic braces, you'll have to wear them until you're 21.

 

 


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