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Your Mother



> The Laws of Living as told by mothers...

You don't wear white shoes after summer.

You can't go to church without a hat. It's disrespectful.

It's not ladylike to put your hands in your pockets.

You can't be an actress. Women who are actresses are all tramps.

Everyone opens presents on Christmas morning.

Everyone eats Thanksgiving dinner at three in the afternoon.

Don't change the bed linen on Friday. It isn't done.

Children always address elders by their last names.

It's wrong to give knives unless you tape pennies to them.

Hear the word Hell? You must spit three times; turn around seven times, knock on wood, or touch iron.

Everyone sends a thank-you note the day they receive a gift.

Quality people don't wear jeans.

You've got to pray on your knees or it doesn't count.

It's all right to be 13 minutes late.

Big boys don't cry.

Only babies cry.

Only heathens have pierced ears.

A lady has her name in the newspaper three times: when she's born, when she marries, and when she dies.

Little girls should always smile and be happy.

Well-brought-up people suffer in silence.

Women over 40 don't have long hair.

There's a place for everything and everything has its place.

Children aren't entitled to know.

Children should be seen and not heard.

Three-year-olds wipe themselves.

Only lower-class people chew gum.

A good woman has sex when her husband wants to.

A good father stays home on the weekend.

A good woman keeps a clean house.

Good daughters call their mothers every Sunday.

You can never have too many kisses.

Sensible people don't want all these appliances.

You never sit closer than 25 feet to the ocean.

You go the bathroom every time the car stops on a long trip. (Just try and you'll make something.)

It isn't natural, living like this.

When you pull the larger part of the chicken breast bone, your wishes come true.

You must always enter someplace right foot first.

The groom carries the bride over the threshold to make sure they start married life off on the right foot.

If you think you'll lose, you'll lose.

Life isn't fair.

It is better for your health to sit on the floor.

 

 


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