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A - Z of Lies
About Your Body
Animals
Classic Lies
Food
Gumpisms
Reassurances
School
Warnings
What We Tell Kids
White Lies
Your Mother



> Complete A - Z guide to lies and lying

YOURSELF

Lying to yourself

You can tell yourself you don't lie to yourself and there's the proof- you just did. I'm sure we've all said these a few times.

Dieting

I'M GOING ON A DIET. (First thing in the morning.)

Next day

I'LL DEFINITELY START NEXT MONDAY.

Next Monday

STUFF IT - I'M NOT THAT FAT ANYWAY.

I'M NOT THAT FAT ANYWAY. (Who are you kidding? You're a pig.)

Smoking

I'M GIVING UP SMOKING. (Starting tomorrow.)

Next day

OH, ONE WON'T HURT.

That night

I'VE GOT TO HAVE ONE WHILE I'M HAVING A DRINK.

Two hours later. WHO CARES?

Four hours later YOU'RE ROLLING JOINTS.

Drinking

Next day

MASSIVE HANGOVER - I'M NEVER DOING THAT AGAIN.

That night

WHOSE SHOUT? (And do you know where I can buy some pot/and has anyone got a ciggy?)

Exercise

I'M STARTING BACK UP AT THE GYM ON MONDAY.

First Monday

OH, I'M TOO BUSY THIS WEEK, NEXT WEEK FOR SURE. (Probably on the dole.)

Second Monday

OH, THIS IS GREAT. I'M JOINING UP FOR A YEAR. I'LL COME EVERY DAY.

Tuesday

OH, I'M TOO SORE TO GO TODAY.

Wednesday

I'LL BE BACK.

Thursday

I'M NOT GOING ANY MORE - I DON'T WANT TO BE MUSCULAR AND BULKY.

Age 10

I'VE GOT TO DO THAT ONE DAY.

Age 40

I'VE GOT TO DO THAT ONE DAY.

Age 80

I'VE GOT TO DO THAT ONE DAY.

Age 90

Why didn't you do it?

OH, I DIDN'T HAVE TIME.

Gambling

I HAVEN'T GOT A GAMBLING ADDICTION. CAN YOU LEND ME £20, THOUGH? OH, COME ON, I'LL BET YOU £50 I GIVE IT BACK TO YOU.

I HAVEN'T GOT A GAMBLING ADDICTION, NOW SHUT UP, I CAN'T HEAR THE RACE.

 

 

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